


Always with You

by Aquielle



Series: DSB: Drabbles [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angelic Voyeurisim, Domestic Dean, F/M, M/M, Smut adjacent, all the feels, human cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2015-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-26 19:52:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3862546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aquielle/pseuds/Aquielle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Spy</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always with You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hallemcready](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hallemcready/gifts), [mishainmydreams](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishainmydreams/gifts).



> This one is to my ladies who Gish, you rock like fraggles and I'm lucky to know you. Thank you for being your wonderfully weird selves and allowing me to be witness to your beauty.

Castiel never considered himself voyeuristic, he is a seraph and it is his duty to observe humanity. And while he understands the inherent beauty in humanity on a whole he never understood why his father preferred them over his brothers and sisters.

They were flawed and unpredictable imperfections but still he did as he was bade and watched their fumbling evolution from afar.

When he is ordered to watch a particular human he thinks nothing of it until the first time he sees the human in question. The boy is clearly special in some way as Castiel had never seen a human soul that shines so brightly.

His charge is a surprisingly responsible young man of nine years who spenda far more time cooking and bandaging wounds than seems normal for human children. There is a sadness in his human that he finds intriguing and altogether worrying. As if Dean knew sorrow on a deeper level than all the others.

Castiel knew his human was to have a hard but important life if he had drawn the attention of Heaven enough to have a seraphim personally assigned to him and he grew fond of Dean despite the knowledge of his inevitably short existence.

During his tenure as guardian angel Castiel has many other duties, leading a garrison was an honor but also required commitment. He trys to be as omnipresent as possible and Dean is always in the back of his consciousness.

Over the years he visits his charge in times of great significance or distress, he learns as much as he can and nudges him out of danger when he can, but Dean is obstinate down to his molecules and Castiel can only tempt fate so much.

The first few years of his watch go by with little excitement, random fights here or there, one incident involving Dean's younger brother breaking his arm and a gravity-defying bike ride to the hospital. Mostly Castiel observes from afar, cataloging behavior and trying not to think about how easily breakable humans are and how someone so important should be less prone to incur damage.

Over the years he finds his assignment takes more of his time and he seeks out the joy of watching the brightness that seems to emanate from Dean grow in fits and starts. It shines brightest when he is around Sam but it is also tinted with a melancholy never seems to dissipate.

***

 

The first time Castiel observes his charge during a sexual act with another person is fascinating.

Dean is twenty years old, radiant and carefree for the first time in years. His father is settled in a job for the time being and Sam is enjoying high school. Domesticity agrees with Dean and Castiel is enchanted with his smile.

He watches as Dean spends four hours chatting up a beautiful brunette at the local Dairy Queen named Renee.

Renee is bright and pretty, the youngest and least accomplished of four children. He father is very stern and her mother religious. As a result of this she had only ever had fumbling high school sex before and the awe in her eyes as she looks at Dean is palpable.

The first time he touches her there is a jolt between her limbic system and frontal lobe and Castiel feels like he has just witnessed some primordial magic trick. Somehow Dean knows to be surprisingly gentle with what he would later refer to as _his conquest for the evening._ Sheis timid and nervous but Dean puts her at ease and makes her feel safe. He takes her back to the motel he calls home and coaxes her with the sweetest words and long slow kisses promising to "Make you feel so good baby."

He brings her crying to completion twice on his fingers and tongue before his desire overwhelms him. "Sweetheart, you taste so good, I can't wait anymore" pours out like honey as she clutches to him nodding and panting "Now, please."

The physical act seems to Castiel to be secondary to the emotions that come off of them in waves. Dean so eager to please and enchanted by her softness, warmth, and beauty. Renee so amazed that this Adonis had chosen her, caught up in his easy smiles and lavish praise.

Their excitement and pleasure feeding the other, heightening the entire experience.

The look on Dean's face as he climaxes held a fascination for Castiel that he could not have explained if asked.

The two lovers would never see each other ever again, but both would remember the sunlight that filtered through the blinds of the hotel room making them both glow golden.

Looking back Castiel realizes it was the first time he had ever witnessed Dean's pure joy unencumbered by guilt or worry. Basking in that was as close as he had been to proof of the divinity of human existence.

The entire act had taken no more than an hour but it lead directly to Castiel's preoccupation with Dean's sexual proclivities.

***

 

He understands that this behavior is hard-wired into human beings, this base need to procreate. He has bore witness to the act countless times, but something about Dean has sunk it's claws into him and he cannot stop himself from seeking out his charge whenever that tingling feeling manifests.

He spends far more time than is strictly necessary observing Dean at his most vulnerable.

Sometimes the act is gentle and caring, a beautiful thing akin to creation. Sometimes it is a frenzy of need that he can only compare to base, animal urges. Sometimes it's merely perfunctory or the release of stress.

No matter the delivery, Dean is always captivating to Castiel.

***

The first time he views Dean with another male is a revelation. He knows that human sexuality is complex and varied; but until this point Dean had only ever desired women. It is an unexpected turn of events and proves to be his undoing.

His charge is twenty-four years old. He's in Texas on a hunt and the anger he feels towards his father is so palpable it is practically a living thing.

He is throwing shots back in a bar with a man named Greg and his anxiety has been ratcheting almost as much as his arousal. When they finally exit the back of the bar Greg soothes him with lingering touches and pepped kisses it is a roll reversal in a way that makes his charge go hot and weak.

Castiel watches as the synapses fire throughout Dean's brain and electronic impulses shoot through his nervous system. He has never seen Dean so anticipatory and desperate during a dalliance before but he is just as eager to please as always. Greg pets and praises while Dean swallows him down and Castiel is mesmerized by the slick plushness of his lips.

He has paid close attention to many aspects of humanity in his long life, but nothing has ever been as alluring as the surge of need coming off of Dean as the pupils of his green eyes are blown black with desire.

The noise lingers in the air, wet and obscene and Castiel feels a stirring in the base of his spine. A pull that makes no sense, confuses and distracts him from the human coupling. The sensations that bombard him are utterly foreign and somewhat alarming.

Dean's sharp cries draw his attention back as he watches the surge of brightness with his chest tight and a broken moan echoes in his ears. Somehow it attaches itself onto the fabric of him and refuses to leave.

***

It is the luminous soul within that leads Castiel through hellfire and innumerable foes to bring his charge back to Earth.

It is the memory of that sound of unabashed joy that echoes in his brain as he rebuilds Dean's body one atom at a time.

It is the knowledge that soon he will look upon that man and for the first time Dean will see him that lands Castiel in Hester's hands for the first time.

He is reminded of his duty, his purpose and sent to play his part with a clear mind.

It is with righteous intent and a holy mission he sees Dean Winchester through limited human eyes for the first time, and he is still breathtaking in his beauty.

Castiel fights by his side, he does his duty but the memories once so faint are rushing back.

He observes in silence, taking measure of everything Dean is and will ever be and the feelings that stirred all those years ago claw their way into his vessel and something wholly unfamiliar grows.

***

During his slow descent into humanity clarity comes and he knows, he is convinced that he is in love.

The human response eludes him, because Castiel is not human and being in love with Dean is distracting so he sets his feelings aside for the sake of what is best, what is the right thing, to do what is expected of him.

Time goes on and so his affection grows, at times becoming almost too big to hold inside. He wants to reach out, wants to touch but still he cannot be sure if Dean feels anything for him.

He observes as always but if he can’t get close enough how can he know? Dean looks at him in a way that makes him ache but he can’t ever say the words out loud.

Human feelings are so complicated and fragile.

By the time he fully understands the depth of his longing he is too afraid to say it, too attached to the closeness of friendship and the easy way Dean smiles at him.

He has cast aside his family and the thought of losing Dean makes him feel hopeless in a way that forces him to swallow his words of love every time they bubble to the surface.

That is the part that Castiel wasn't prepared for about being in love, not knowing if you're being loved back.

The questioning is beyond distracting and he finds his concentration wandering at inappropriate times.

When Dean falls on top of him in a graveyard during a routine salt & burn the noise that comes out of him is completely outside of his control and while Dean had given him a look of shock, nothing comes of it. Sam mocks him for days until Dean threatens to shave his brother's head.

***

Humanity may be his father's masterpiece but being human is base and limited and he thinks he might hate it.

Only seeing one dimension is stupid.

Bodies that require so much upkeep are impractical.

He misses observing things. He tries to watch Dean but gets distracted by minutiae, how his freckles stand out when he is in the sun too long, how his eyes look a different shade of green depending on the light source, the way the blood rushes to his lower lip when he bites at it.

He wonders if Dean can feel his eyes, the way he drinks him in. Does he know all the thoughts inside Castiel's head?

He gets his answer on a Sunday in March.

Dean stands close to him in the gun range of the bunker trying to teach him how to aim.

The feel of warmth coming off him sends shocks down Castiel's spine and when Dean presses his body along the back of him he almost collapses.

He lowers the gun and grabs onto the counter hoping he isn't letting any of the dying noises his body wants to make escape.

The breath on his ear makes him shiver as Dean wraps his arms around Castiel's chest.

"How long Cas" he asks as his tongue traces behind the ear and up the shell "How much time have I wasted?"

His neck loses all strength as it reclines onto Dean's shoulder, cradled by his body and held by his green eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Eternal gratitude to Beth for beta and general awesomeness.


End file.
